and now for something completely different...

Sasquatch and I had discussed it and we came to the conclusion that we needed to remodel. We were tired of our surroundings and needed a change. We spent many hours thinking about what we'd like done and finally arrived at a plan. Now, we needed someone to carry out our vision, and I just happened to know somebody! I'd met H. when the company he worked for moved into the building where my office is. He was a very charming man with lovely manners. (You may have noticed that I'm a sucker for nice manners...) Over the course of our conversations, I learned that he did remodeling. Well, I needed remodeling done and we spoke of it and he agreed to take on the project. It was a good thing I wasn't in a hurry to have the work done...Yes, that was indeed a good thing. I was patient...extremely patient....more patient than normal for me. But I didn't want to interview a dozen contractors and he seemed most capable. So, I waited. Actually, I waited for several months. In fact, I was almost out of the notion. My patience paid off though and he came by to measure and look and figure and discuss. We arrived at a plan and a price, and suddenly, there Sas and I were in the middle of a remodeling project! How exciting and how noisy!

H. and his helper, A., (a very polite young man) came by to start ripping up stuff and generally disrupting my life. But that was their job and so I didn't mind...too much. (I was a little distressed when I heard H. say, "A., do you know how to use a nail gun?" And A. said, "No, but I'd like to learn!") Great! A nail gun neophyte in my house! Sas, on the other hand, has been a little confused by these recent developments. She isn't used to men wielding crowbars in her house...well, I'm not either, but, being slightly more sophisticated, I'm better able to hide my confusion. Sasquatch has been delighted with the prospect of other people in her house. She has danced around and generally made a fool of herself in her shameless bid for attention from attractive men. Sometimes she's such a whore! I have lectured her extensively on the dangers of throwing herself at any new man who enters her life, but she has refused to listen. She wears her heart on her sleeve, and really, who's to say she's wrong? And so, she's flirted and invited H. and A. to play and has been a pest, but H. and A. have taken it in stride, almost as if they're used to this kind of wanton behavior. I think they're being polite.

And so now our home is in disarray...well, it's usually in disarray because I'm so busy working and blogging and emailing Internet boyfriends and picking up random piles of cat throw up that I have little time for housework. What I need is a maid. And I think I might look into that. Actually, my workload would be diminished if the cats disappeared. (I'm considering asking H. if I can borrow his nail gun...to nail some stuff. No, I don't know how to use one and if an unfortunate accident were to happen involving cats, well, it it wouldn't really be my fault, being nail gun unsavvy and all. Yes, I think I must discuss this with him as soon as possible. I'm sure a nail gun is most appropriate for hanging pictures and I have many that need hanging...)

When I arrived home this evening after a grueling day at work full of corporate bullshit and incomprehensible spreadsheets, I found that H. and A. had been hard at work, taking up flooring. The racket was incredible...but one must endure unpleasantness to appreciate the good things that come from it. And now, I'm walking on plywood! It's most distressing, but will be worth it in the end. I hope. I didn't even have a chance to check with HELL to see if I had any more perfect boyfriend prospects (right). My HELL matches are a sad story, and will be discussed at length...later. There will be more to this saga of floors and countertops and light fixtures and faucets and sinks and no, I have not picked out everything yet, H., but I will. Those of you who've been reading but are bored by tales of home improvements might want to take a break for awhile. Soon...well, I'm not exactly sure how soon, but eventually, Chez Ina & Sas will be transformed!

--Ina