HELL froze over...the office

Sasquatch gets no snow days. She's on the job all day and all night seven days a week. Of course, she feels free to take numerous naps, but she sleeps lightly and is ready to bark at the slightest provocation. I had set out for the office, reasoning that if Sas was working, so should I. The roads were kind of clear...well, there was one lane right in the middle that could be driven on with dubious safety. The traffic lights were out, but there weren't that many commuters, so the trip was doable, if not pleasant.

I arrived at the office, jittery from my adventure on the road, and was struck by how warm it was! It was bliss. Also, the lights were on, there was coffee...and other human beings! This was going to be great! I went to my office and settled into my chair to fire up the PC to see what I'd been missing. There were the usual emails about the usual work topics, boring on a normal day, but fascinating on this day and I read them all. I sighed with contentment...There was my office tree...my bulletin board...my calendar...a working thermostat! I decided to wander around to see who was here. It didn't take too long to determine that not that many office workers had braved the conditions, but some had and we had happy chats and swapped snow horror stories.

I did a little work...nothing seemed too urgent, then went to lunch with colleagues. It was my birthday!! And they treated me to lunch, plus there was a beautiful bouquet of roses on my desk, a bottle of wine (!) and good wishes from many.

Since my PC was right there on my desk and turned on and connected to the Internet, I thought I should check in with HELL and see what was going on. Imagine my surprise to see that I had been sent a special set of birthday matches!! How exciting! I was sure dream date would be included. After all, it was my birthday and my special birthday set! I clicked and there they were...my birthday boyfriends. The first one looked like Hitler...same stupid bangs...little dumb moustache...mean, shifty eyes. I was confused. If you kind of resemble Hitler to begin with, why would you emphasize the resemblance with hair and moustache? Unless perhaps you admire Hitler, which I feared might be all too likely...rejected.

Bachelor Number Two wasn't...a bachelor, that is. I didn't even have to open his profile to find out this fun fact. It was right there in that random snippet of information the HELL administrators use as a tease. He was married and happy most of the time, except when his raging sex drive kicked in and his wife just didn't understand (Oh she understood all right...) and he needed someone to satisfy his needs...rejected.

The third guy was my favorite. He wanted a "good woman" who had "some morals about her. " And she couldn't be even a "pound or 2 overweight" because he "cannot stand obesity." Well, those of you who know me know that I have no morals whatsoever. Plus, as a size 6 (sometimes 8, depending upon the garment), I fear I would be much too "obese" for him and so, reluctantly, I marked him rejected.

I checked my personal email to see if any e-flirters had checked in. They had! So I spent a few minutes being e-charming and e-flirtatious...what fun! Well, it was my birthday, so I felt justified in spending a few minutes on personal email. Is that so wrong?

All too soon, it was time to climb Snow Mountain to my car and steel myself for the ride home.

--Ina