Sasquatch and I were just hanging out. It had been another grueling day...the office for me and dealing with remodeling changes for Sas. So we were watching the Game Show Channel. It was showing a retrospective, The Price is Right: The Bob Barker Years. It was going to be on for several days, I believe, so Sas was in heaven. She loves Bob Barker and knows what an animal lover he is, although she doesn't buy in completely with his tag line, "Remember, get your pets spayed or neutered." Sasquatch regrets never having had children. She would have been a good mother, tender and protective, but fun! Well, she has enough to do taking care of me...
I did check my HELL email while Sas was wagging over Bob. I was surprised to see that Shih-tzu2u4u8u had sent an "intimate" message. I thought I'd gotten rid of him once and for all. Perhaps you remember Shih-t...He's married, but his wife doesn't understand him at all, especially his raging sex drive. He thought HELL might provide him a little action on the side, unbeknownst to the "missus," perhaps with me 3 or 4 days a week, at my house, of course, since his house had the missus in it and she just would not approve. No, he was quite certain that she must not ever catch wind of his plan. He had asked me for my phone number so he could call me from his car on his cell phone. (He said he'd looked up "Tizzy" in the White Pages...whatta dope.) Well, no, I didn't think I'd be sharing my number with him. And told him to leave me alone. I am not interested in having him come over 3 or 4 days a week for a quick roll in the hay. I don't even know what he looks like! He may be a ringer for Marty Feldman for all I know (thanks, M, for reminding me of Marty...need to see Young Frankenstein again, stat.). I'm no beauty, but I do have my standards!!
One day, Sas snapped a picture of me as I was reading that classic novel, Slugs in Love, by Susan Pears
on. The photo, taken from behind me, shows my hair, but not my face. Since it showed little that could be used to identify me, I included in my HELL profile. Shih-t has always seemed fascinated by my hair...perhaps he has a hair fetish...Is there such a thing? So, in his latest message to me, he said that my hair looked just like the hair of a woman who'd been on the news for killing her husband and wondered if she were I? Well, I don't know...I don't watch the news. I wrote him back and said that yes, I had done it, but hadn't meant too. It was an unfortunate emasculation accident. I thought this message would scare him off. But no, our Shih-t is a brave man. He sympathized with me! He called me "poor thing" and hoped I wouldn't go to jail! Damn! The thing to do, of course, would have been to just ignore him and not answer, but those of you who know me know that I cannot resist a challenge. So I answered him and said that indeed, I already was in jail, but I had assembled a team of the best legal minds in the country and was sure they'd get me the lightest possible sentence. I assured him that I had reconsidered and was now ready to meet him 3 or 4 days a week, but since the jail was not enlightened enough to allow conjugal visits, I would need some help making bail. While I awaited trial, we could meet and his every urge would be satisfied...all he had to do was withdraw several thousand dollars from his account, and send it to my favorite local attorney, AJ, who would take care of everything. (Must remember to alert AJ to the possibility of a large amount of cash arriving at his office and emphasize to him that I know where it came from; otherwise, he might keep it all for himself and I cannot allow that to happen. I have remodeling and new furniture to pay for.) I'm awaiting Shih-t's response...it's been 2 days...Either way, it's win-win for me...I've scared him off with talk of big money or he's sending big money and my financial worries are over. Sometimes, I'm a little frightened of how devious I can be. Since I learned most of it from Sas though, I in no way consider it a character flaw.
on. The photo, taken from behind me, shows my hair, but not my face. Since it showed little that could be used to identify me, I included in my HELL profile. Shih-t has always seemed fascinated by my hair...perhaps he has a hair fetish...Is there such a thing? So, in his latest message to me, he said that my hair looked just like the hair of a woman who'd been on the news for killing her husband and wondered if she were I? Well, I don't know...I don't watch the news. I wrote him back and said that yes, I had done it, but hadn't meant too. It was an unfortunate emasculation accident. I thought this message would scare him off. But no, our Shih-t is a brave man. He sympathized with me! He called me "poor thing" and hoped I wouldn't go to jail! Damn! The thing to do, of course, would have been to just ignore him and not answer, but those of you who know me know that I cannot resist a challenge. So I answered him and said that indeed, I already was in jail, but I had assembled a team of the best legal minds in the country and was sure they'd get me the lightest possible sentence. I assured him that I had reconsidered and was now ready to meet him 3 or 4 days a week, but since the jail was not enlightened enough to allow conjugal visits, I would need some help making bail. While I awaited trial, we could meet and his every urge would be satisfied...all he had to do was withdraw several thousand dollars from his account, and send it to my favorite local attorney, AJ, who would take care of everything. (Must remember to alert AJ to the possibility of a large amount of cash arriving at his office and emphasize to him that I know where it came from; otherwise, he might keep it all for himself and I cannot allow that to happen. I have remodeling and new furniture to pay for.) I'm awaiting Shih-t's response...it's been 2 days...Either way, it's win-win for me...I've scared him off with talk of big money or he's sending big money and my financial worries are over. Sometimes, I'm a little frightened of how devious I can be. Since I learned most of it from Sas though, I in no way consider it a character flaw.--Ina
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