totally fiction...mostly

Sasquatch and I were sitting there on the couch watching the Game Show Channel. Dating Game was on and it makes Sas a little uneasy. I think she just doesn't get all the sexual innuendo, which isn't surprising given her innocence. Anyway, Bob had just asked couple number one where was the craziest place they'd ever made whoopie, when Sas whimpered a little under her breath. Well, I knew it couldn't be Bob's question...she'd heard that hundreds, no thousands, of times before. So I asked, "What's the matter, girl? Is Timmy out in the garage smoking crack again?" She looked pointedly at my laptop...I saw we had a new message from our friend from HELL, Foghorn Leghorn in Walmart TN. (How does Sas always know when new messages come?) Fog is a terrific guy...completely crazy...but harmless and pretty nice....writes a good email. Oh of course his name isn't Foghorn Leghorn, but that's really pretty close. Fog and I had been emailing for a while and I always read his messages to Sas. I always read everybody's messages to Sas...we have no secrets.
So I began to read Fog's message and Sas was really wagging. WTF? I mean her tail was on fire. It was just a normal Fog message...disjointed, wildly funny...regular stuff. But Sasquatch seemed oddly excited. A little while later, she wondered if we could take a few photos. Well, Sas is nothing if not a ham, so I thought nothing of it. I snapped her picture; the result is here...
Then it really got weird. She kind of moped around and acted like she couldn't get comfortable...not normal Sas behavior at all. Finally, I got it out of her...she wanted to send her photo to Fog! He had sent her a special email greeting of love a few days before...just goofing around, but evidently, she took it more seriously than he had intended. Uh oh. On the sly I sent Foghorn a message telling him what was up, and as I expected, he was totally nice about it. He said to send the pic and he'd play along and act all flirty with her. We figured she'd forget all about it soon. Well, no.
Over the course of the next few days. Fog made a few half-hearted promises to Sas, thinking she'd lose her nerve. But THAT didn't happen. She had me read those emails to her over and over and well, her behavior was just...wanton! Sas was in love! Why, you can just see the happiness on her face in this pic...
So what to do?? I talked it over with Fog, and he was clueless, as I knew he'd be. But he seemed oddly captivated by Sas too, and I was just a little bit pissed, to tell the truth. I thought I might have kind of a live one in Fog. Oh sure, he lived in Tennessee, but that's not that far. Now that gas has come down in price, it was completely conceivable that we might be able to set up some meetings on a fairly regular basis. And he's kind of a country mouse, while I'm more of a city mouse, but that doesn't seem insurmountable to me. But if I was reading this situation right, it was entirely possible that I might lose him to my DOG!?! What humiliation! But I've discovered that e-flirtations are often about humiliation and rejection, so this one was no different.



But then, a couple of days ago, Sas was sitting at the back door, wagging like crazy. I looked out and saw that schnauzer from down the street. He sometimes escapes and I see him running madly through the neighborhood. But now, he was sitting outside my back door and it was obvious that he and Sas had made a love connection. Isn't he cute? Sasquatch loves a man with facial hair and bushy eyebrows...His name is Rolf, and I heard Sas calling him the other day...or maybe she was just barking.

--Ina