Well, Sasquatch has gone bat-shit crazy over her new stuffed squirrel. She's barely let it out of her sight, kinda like myhartstrue&ifUleavemeillstalkUtilUdie!, if you remember him from awhile back. (I do hope I've spelled his name correctly, but when your name has more than 25 letters, you shouldn't be disappointed if people screw it up.) Anyway, that squirrel must have been sewn by an expert because she's tossed it over her head, gnawed on its tail, pulled its head and asked me on more than on occasion to help her play tug o' war with it and still no white stuffing bits in sight. I could not even get her to sit down for a repeat of last year's Master's Tournament on the Golf Channel this evening. (And you know how she loves Zach Johnson!) It was just as well she was occupied with Bat, the squirrel, because they'd only played a few holes when I got all jittery, like I'd had way too many triple espressos, and kinda clammy too. Golf does that to me...So, I turned it to the America's Auction Network for some hot auction action, but they were doing Parade of Tanzanite, and there's nothing more boring than a bunch of blue jewelry. Well, some of the men who've contacted me in HELL have been more boring, that's true.
I thought I might take a walk down memory lane via my HELL inbox. I could clean things up by deleting a few poor saps...forever.
While Nick was charming and smart and funny and all that stuff girls like (cute too, seriously cute in that kind of dark young Elvis way, but not exactly), there have been many others who have been all that stuff girls hate.
Like Bruce. Bruce was the very first man to contact Aubergine. His message went something like this: "Send pic. Maybe we can have lunch. I'll pay. Pic first." Aubergine got the impression he wanted to know what she looked like before he committed to an all expenses paid lunch. Well, she's nothing if not a rogue dater, so she sent a message back: "I'll send pic if you do." Oddly enough, Bruce seemed reluctant to reply! But then a couple of days later, there was a message from him, picture attached. There he was, old Bruce, slumped on the couch, watching something on television, I guess. It looked as if someone, perhaps a bitter ex-wife, had snapped him in a postprandial stupor. It was a really bad photo, depicting him all slack-jawed and glassy-eyed. There was an odd reflection of light at the corner of his mouth, as if a little pool of spittle was starting to form there. So, Aubergine did what she had to do; she sent a really bad photo back. It wasn't too long before Bruce sent another email. Evidently, Aubergine had passed his looks test because he said: "When lunch?" Which was his very charming way of inviting Aubergine to join him for a most elegant and paid-for repast. Our Bruce was a man of few words, necessitating a read between the lines...Aubergine was just a little put off by Bruce and his whole attitude, so she let him cool his heels for a couple of days before letting him down gently, with a succinct but dead-on reply:"No thanks."
I thought I might take a walk down memory lane via my HELL inbox. I could clean things up by deleting a few poor saps...forever.
While Nick was charming and smart and funny and all that stuff girls like (cute too, seriously cute in that kind of dark young Elvis way, but not exactly), there have been many others who have been all that stuff girls hate.
Like Bruce. Bruce was the very first man to contact Aubergine. His message went something like this: "Send pic. Maybe we can have lunch. I'll pay. Pic first." Aubergine got the impression he wanted to know what she looked like before he committed to an all expenses paid lunch. Well, she's nothing if not a rogue dater, so she sent a message back: "I'll send pic if you do." Oddly enough, Bruce seemed reluctant to reply! But then a couple of days later, there was a message from him, picture attached. There he was, old Bruce, slumped on the couch, watching something on television, I guess. It looked as if someone, perhaps a bitter ex-wife, had snapped him in a postprandial stupor. It was a really bad photo, depicting him all slack-jawed and glassy-eyed. There was an odd reflection of light at the corner of his mouth, as if a little pool of spittle was starting to form there. So, Aubergine did what she had to do; she sent a really bad photo back. It wasn't too long before Bruce sent another email. Evidently, Aubergine had passed his looks test because he said: "When lunch?" Which was his very charming way of inviting Aubergine to join him for a most elegant and paid-for repast. Our Bruce was a man of few words, necessitating a read between the lines...Aubergine was just a little put off by Bruce and his whole attitude, so she let him cool his heels for a couple of days before letting him down gently, with a succinct but dead-on reply:"No thanks."
Bruce = [deleted]
I really wish I could post Bruce's picture so you could judge for yourself if Aubergine was too harsh in her own assessment of it, but that standards thing is still in play...
--Ina
I really wish I could post Bruce's picture so you could judge for yourself if Aubergine was too harsh in her own assessment of it, but that standards thing is still in play...
--Ina
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