Parade of Freaks

So, what I thought was that I'd post this profile and then I'd just look at all the men, pick out my favorite and live happily ever after. Well, those weren't my exact thoughts, but kinda close. So, I commenced browsing...Oh. My. God. You have to set up parameters for your searches, like how many miles from your house, for example. Well, I thought, the closer, the better. Uh, no. I set it up to search for matches within 100 miles of my town because I'd have to think long and hard about driving over 100 miles for a date! (I might make an exception for George Clooney, but running across George in HELL is a remote possibility at best.) I know now that was a terrible decision...
If I may, I'm going to speak directly to the men of HELL right now. The ones within a 100 mile radius of Hee Haw KY.
Gentlemen, presumably, you joined this service to find a woman of refinement and taste with whom you could spend some romantic moments. Or, to put it in terms you might understand more readily, you are searching the web for a hot chick. Or to make it unmistakably clear, yer trollin' the net to score some pussy... because to actually change your socks and comb your hair and go out someplace where women congregate sounds like way too much trouble.
Now think about it gentlemen...your ultimate goal is to get in her pants. There's no reason to deny what we all know to be the truth. And there's really nothing wrong with that goal. In many cases, that's our goal too. Really. Well, our goal would be more about getting in your pants, eventually, not our own. But, in most--not all--but most cases, there will be at least a few preliminary activities that take place before that happy and most satisfying coupling. That's what we need to discuss...

--Ina